Getting There - #42

Morning Friend,

There's nothing quite like the warm and fuzzy feeling of encountering old friends while out for drive on the highway, especially if they're the same idiots whose incompetence at 50 kilometers an hour in the city is so dangerously enhanced by the perilous variables of greater speed and slightly trickier circumstances.

Ahh yess....that's Him! I'd recognize that slackened jaw, the pointed; almost "pin-like" head and those maniacal "HEEERRE'S JOHNNNY" - Jack in The Shining - eyes anywhere !

How comforting it is to know that statistically, for every 1% increase in road speed, there is a corresponding 3% increase in accident likeliness.

Hmmm, that's strange....I'm doing 102, ( thanks to my trusty cruise control), and he seems to be bearing up behind me pretty quickly?

That kooky nutty guy!....Not in a hurry AGAIN is he?

One would think that on a rainy Saturday morning with the wind howling and the roads slick as a duck's back, that you wouldn't see too many folks "high-balling" down a two-lane highway unless they were;

A- Law Enforcement

B- E.M.T.'s

C- Drunks

D- Fools

E- combination of A/B

F- combination of C/D

G-Grandma going to bingo

F- late for his/her wedding

My old friend who now appears to be wanting to pass me, is most certainly a "D" which poses any number of reasons why he is choosing to place his life, mine, and any number of innocents' in jeopardy.

The first, which I cannot discount, is the fact that he may well just be plain old stupid; a garden variety idiot.

I mean, "passing" on the highway in ideal conditions is a skillful maneuver requiring a more than of modicum of intellect and a good measure of common sense.

To attempt to do so during a rainstorm with fairly heavy "Cottage Country" traffic on a highway interspersed with several stretches of on-going construction is the province of only the dimmest of wit, and/or drunks.

I'll give my friend the benefit of the doubt and suggest that given the early hour of the day he is not drunk. ( or perhaps not yet anyway?)

And I'll go a step further and suggest that he is not, a narrow-minded simpleton with no regard for human life, his own included.

A good number of otherwise relatively sound-minded individuals spend however many years of highway driving (their luck and providence allows), believing that somehow every car passed on the highway is another key to the mystical time/space continuum propelling them like anti-matter forward into a realm of existence far into the future.

It's believed that if you "bend" the speed limit enough you can fool Father Time. ( if you can avoid Father R.C.)

I would suggest that this fellow honestly believes that what awaits him at the end of an hour-long journey, is going to be magically better if he can get there in 56 minutes.

Every heart-pounding, white knuckled hair-raising time he just misses piling head-long into a grain truck or a family of four in an SUV, he is shaving valuable seconds off of his accursed "speed limited" journey.

There are "things" going on "there" that he's missing out on; against which the pleasing summer sights of lush greenery, rolling farmland and ever-growing crowds of welcoming timber cannot compete.

There is certainly nothing offered by his satellite radio, CD player or the pleasant company of his companions that can come close to the 4 minutes of unbridled delight, immeasurable richness, and ecstatic fulfillment that a few close calls can garner, so long as those minutes are spent "there".

As my deluded friend, now a full and precious 2 seconds past me, pulls in just in the nick of time, the horn of the van he just missed blares as it whizzes by and I needn't be too imaginative to discern the nature of the van driver's none-too-polite exclamations of surprise and exhortations of good-will.

I on the other hand, steeped in Serenity as I am of late, am just happy to see the poor fool's taillights and simply pray, for either his car to break down....or a single, vehicle accident with one, fatality.

I know that's a bit harsh my friend, but the unfairness of life being what it is, these Ultra-Maroons end up taking innocent lives with them and if there's a more appropriate use of the word "needlessly" than I'm not familiar with it.

Life is a journey of journeys...trips between adventures....a voyage of living.

The ride between here and there is the perfect opportunity for orientation, introspection, and contemplation.

What's the point of racing from here to there if you die along the way?

Accident rates rise exponentially with speed, so if everyone sped, no-one would get anywhere.

Half the fun is getting there, the other half is getting there alive...slow down and enjoy it!

We pass through God's lovely garden but once and to not savor its' essence, cherish its' beauty, seize and embrace it with slow and exquisite passion is shameful, and in some cases, dangerous.

If you're late for your wedding, it's both.

For you, ( and Grandma) they'll clear the highway.

Love tImMy:/

Laugh as much as you breathe...

Love as long as you live ( between the ditches)

Waiting For Dad - #41

Waiting For Dad

T’was a day of chance and circumstance

that I miss-stepped my bounds

Not a felony really

but my Mother’s ire resounds

“Wait till your Father gets home!”

those ominous words I heard

Not quite a “gallows-cry” you see

but one which frays young nerves

The memory of past miss-deeds

punctuated Mom’s refrain

And set my hide a tingling

as I awaited corporal pain

It couldn’t have been too serious

and seldom a repeat offense

You “wait for your Father...” enough times

you eventually learn some sense

It wasn’t so much the spanking

Dad’s were measured and deserved

That dreading fearful waiting

should have counted as “time served”

And Good Old Dad was punctual

no doubts or shades of grey

A digression in early morning

meant a VERY long waiting day

But waiting served me two-fold

as these memories I embrace

ONE – to see my error of my ways

and TWO – to prepare my case

If a tanning was necessitated

by my oft-reluctant Judge

it was tempered with hugs thereafter

cause he never held a grudge

My goodly share of justice,

the odd merciful reprieve,

and the accompanying lessons

made me a better man I believe

I pity the Fatherless families

Sail-less ships upon the sea

no waiting for God’s Light to come home

no “Hey Dad, look at me!”

My heart goes out to children

Soldier/Fathers far away

waiting for their brave strong Dads

to come on home to stay

I pray for Fathers absent

that they return from whence they roam

God comfort the child who longs to hear

“Wait till your Father gets home.”

There are consequences in life

This is one thing I do understand

You won’t learn about them in books

as from a Father’s firm loving hands

Cherish your Father dearly my friend

even now that you’re too old to flay

make every moment special

like you’ve been waiting for him all the day

Thanks Pop!

Happy Father's Day to Good Father's, everywhere :)

love tImMy:/

Laugh as much as you breathe....

Love as long as you live ( behaving )

You Can't Go Back - #40

Morning Friend,

"I hope I die before I get old."

Pete Townshend

( "My Generation" - 1965)

There are permanent holes in my heart today which, like missing teeth, are daily reminders of the consequences of a selfish and recklessly unhealthy lifestyle.

And it's all Pete Townshend's fault because I thought for sure - or at least "hoped"- I'd be dead well before I developed any sense of sober, mature conscience, let alone my teeth falling out.

Alas, I live.

And while I'm not quite yet doddering and drooling; at least not publicly, I have reached an age and a state of mind where the follies of my youth, the price of my insolence, the seeds of my insurrection, and the proverbial "unpaid fiddler" have all taken a seat at the table.

I have taken a few "hits" to be sure but all in all I'm pretty lucky to be as healthy as I am, to have salvaged as many friends and loved ones as I've managed, and to have as many teeth left as I do.

Despite having a dental plan at work, I used to see a dentist every few years and flossed, even less.

When you're not going to live to be "old", who needs teeth right?

Despite having been in a few lengthy relationships with some extremely loving and remarkably special and caring young ladies, I chose a self-centered life of hard drinking over a heart-felt bond of shared commitment.

When you're going to "die young", what are a few broken hearts along the short way?

This is exactly the kind of thinking which inspires the booze or drug addled mind and explains - to me at least - some of the reasons behind a lot of my past self-destructive behavior.

When one's focus is completely on the beer in hand, what matter are tomorrows, next weeks or next years?

Who the heck cares?

If I'm to die "soon" anyway, what need have I for bridges linking me to a past I've forgotten or a future I've forsaken?

Well, lets be thankful for a moment, that for today at least I've got something like a "handle" on that stupid thinking, and while I'm at it, offer a word of apology to Mr. Townshend.

I love and respect the man's work and I'm not going to pawn off my own foolishness on some of his lyrics which I believe are a celebration of youthful exuberance and not a drunken battle-cry.

Heck, I did most of my drinking in my "not to be trusted over 30's" anyway!

I think it prudent to note another quote from that Maniacal Windmilling Guitar-smith; one decidedly more apropos to my history....

"THERE IS NO FORCE IN NATURE, AS POWERFUL OR AS CONSISTENT AS A HUMAN BEING IN PURSUIT OF HELL."

Now that sounds like me! Though I would humbly amend it to reflect my present-day outlook on facing and conquering life's challenges thusly....

"THE HUMAN WILL, WITH GOD'S GRACE, IS UNSTOPPABLE."

But getting back to lost love and teeth....

The price of not dying before I got old is having to face the sometimes harsh reality that I cannot undo the past.

I can no more un-break a heart as I can grow new teeth.

I can apologize, I can make amends, I can show remorse through living a good life free of the bonds of addiction which poisoned the love others had for me, and I can give freely of myself in repentance for all the years of taking.

But I must be very careful to realize that while all this helps make today a little more sweeter, and the memories of yesterday a little more tolerable, for me, I am still the author of those dark chapters; the shatterer of dreams, the breaker of promises, the bringer of tears...a man of fewer teeth.

I'd just recently got hold of the Email address of an ex-girlfriend's mother who had been quite supportive of the relationship and with whom I recall sharing something of a friendship.

Without coming right out and asking how I could contact Sherry, I thought a few light words of "hello" and how "well" I'm doing might open the door to finding her.

The response I got was brief.

"PLEASE DELETE _______FROM YOUR ADDRESS BOOK"

I must say those cold, impersonal words were a far cry from what I'd hoped for.

A year or two ago they might even have induced a tear or two from a younger and less resilient Abraham Stainer! ( I will admit to small measure of "mist" though ).

I don't allow for tears in my life these days.

Lord knows I've caused a riverfull and shed enough to overflow the banks in self-pity.

I temper each joyous day with the hope that the Good Lord brings more peace and happiness to those I've hurt than I could ever have managed on my best day, and that they might possibly find a measure of comfort in knowing that their pain now dwells in the emptiness of my stout and vigilent heart, fueling my unstoppable resolve.

The truth my friend is that no matter how noble your intentions; how self-effacing, humble, sincere and contrite you are....you just can't go back.

It's not unlike when the dentist says, "Sorry, but that tooth has to come out".

Love tImMy:/

Laugh as much as you breathe...

Love as long as you live ( plaque-free)

Blessed - #39

Morning Friend,

Among my numerous blessings is #458 (b).

That particular one states that I have a job which includes 30 paid vacation days, or 6 weeks for those of you counting at home.

I've already used 19 for my Winter Caribbean Extravaganza, which leaves 11 days to "spread out" over the summer months.

Thanks to 458 (c) I have a job I "enjoy" so it's not entirely necessary for me to "get away" from my job for a large chunk of time in order to maintain my sanity as some folks do.

Unfortunately for some, a whole year's peace of mind can hinge on the success or failure of a few planned weeks of Summer Holidays.

Thanks largely to that infamous lawmaker by the name of Murphy, any number and series of mishaps can seriously derail those cherished plans, essentially ruining one's vacation and ultimately, their entire year.

I'm talking about bad weather, bad accommodations, ill-health, poor fishing, wrong directions, bad drivers, poisoned food, poor hunting, tainted water, twists of fate, twisted ankles or just plain old off-the-shelf bad luck.

Does the old adage about "putting all your eggs in one basket" ring a bell here?

Certainly most people have the capacity to overcome the odd setback that might tarnish, but not completely ruin, their vacation.

I heartily sympathize with, for instance, anyone in this part of the world who've taken their vacation in the past month or so because the weather has been decidedly bleak, ( unless of course "Nuclear Winter" is exactly the climate they were hoping for?).

Of course there many who are unaffected by unforeseen variables and deviations to their holiday plans and are contented simply to be away from the stress of the workplace for an extended time.

And then there's myself and Blessing 813 (a)...."happy, no matter where I am on the calendar".

I just returned from an invigorating "mini-holiday" and it actually didn't cost me any of my "precious vacation days" because it was just a pretty normal June weekend in Ab Stainer's World of Adventure.

I spent a fully-catered and pampered "half-weekend" at the four-star luxury "Full Deck Lodge" featuring; Old World and Continental cuisine, "interactive landscaping and gardening", world-class angling, top-flight entertainment, a Casino junket, and all the amenities and fellowship one could possibly expect ( or even manage?) in the space of about 30 hours!

As for a "highlights" my friend?....

- I got to Drive, the hour-long journey along the spectacularly scenic 59 Highway!

- We lunched on exotic European "meat tubes" outdoors on the famous sun-drenched "Full Deck"!

- I experienced my ancestral agricultural heritage whilst actually mowing an acre or so of lush dandelion-festooned landscape!

- My arms and hands still ache "slightly" from the gentle undulations of the garden tiller that my Dad and I had the opportunity to let loose on a patch of Real garden!

- Despite a "coolish" north wind off of majestic Lake Winnipeg, we got in an hour or so of True Wilderness Angling highlighted by my landing a "Moby Dick-like" silver bass, which truly tested and honed the limits of my fishing prowess!

- I got to assist a "master carpenter" in the initial phases of constructing a handrail addition to the deck, as well as putter around tidying up the grounds strewn lightly with Winter deadfall!

- The air so fresh it was "thick" made staying awake during the evening's audio/visual entertainment, a "head-bobbing" adventure for all!

Now the weather wasn't what you'd call "great" for this time of the year but thanks to Blessing #701 (d); "looking at the bright side", there were no bugs to speak of, it wasn't too hot to exert oneself, and it didn't snow.

(And as much as do enjoy my job, it beat the heck out of a day's work.)

I truly believe that when one is capable of squeezing as much enjoyable and fulfilling living into a few regular days off as I have been blessed to experience , the potential extravagant delight of a "vacation" of any length is immeasurable.

Sometimes all it takes it a little imagination, some positive thinking.... and proper footwear.

And it never hurts to be accompanied by Blessing #'s 1(a) and 1(b).

Thanks Mom and Dad!

Love tImMy:/

Laugh as much as you breathe...

Love as long as you live ( Lake-ing )

The Game -38

Morning Friend,

"We can't all play a winning game, someone is sure to lose.

But we can play so that our name, no one may dare accuse.

For when the Master Referee, scores against our name,

It won't be whether we won or lost,

but how we played the game."

GRANTLAND RICE (1880-1954)

Now HERE's a dandy little poetic gem to start your week, ( and the rest of your life?), off on the right foot.

I may not have it exactly right word for word, but I've written it precisely how I memorized it as a child.

No, it wasn't a school assignment but rather something my young mind absorbed on its' own after hearing it recited several hundred times by my "step-grandfather".

Good old Henry Steinhauer; a brilliant man, raucous spoon and accordion player and Master Carpenter, would wax poetically, eloquently and drunkenly at the kitchen table for hours on end to an audience of me ; a rapt youngster too polite and not wily enough to beg his leave.

As drunks are apt to do, he'd forget that he'd told me the poem a hundred times previously, so he'd tell it every time with the same passion and gusto as if he himself had just heard it and was passing it on for the first time.

And just as children are apt to do, I was able to see beyond the repetitive ramblings of this tragic gent who ultimately and literally "drank his life away", and committed this significant sporting metaphor to memory, and subsequently, into practice.

Because, drunk or sober...rich or poor....young or old...we are ALL playing this remarkably complicated, decidedly difficult, extraordinarily frustrating, and infinitely satisfying "Game of Life".

Unlike traditional games and sports where winning is empirically measured with a system of scoring, Life's winners and losers are not as easily identifiable. ( no ticker-tape parades for good samaritans I'm afraid)

Unlike the "win at all costs" mentality of sports, where the rules of the game are often skirted, breached and sometimes ignored for Victory's sake, those who would sacrifice honor and hard work for deception and half-heartedness in Life's arena, never really "Win" anything. ( if you're "proud" of something you STOLE, then you just might be a sociopath my friend???)

Unlike an athlete whose great challenge lies within the alotted periods or quarters of "playing time", our game lasts every waking minute of our lifetime.

As we surely know, within that game are MANY... "wins" and "losses".

The course of one person's average hectic day can sometimes FILL a newspaper sportspage with "results'.....

- Forgot to set alarm 1.....Tim 0

- Burned toast 2.....Tim 0

- Flat tire 1....bicyle pump 1

- Angry boss 4....contrite Tim 5

- Miserable co-worker 1...Jovial Tim 10

- Pretty co-worker 10...Smilin' Tim 11

- Forgotten lunch 6...Cafeteria 2

- Ptomaine 15....Tim 0

- Layoff notices 27...Tim 1

- Pretty co-worker's goodbye 5...Tim 5

- Options 99...Tim 100

- Sober 1....Drunk 0.....

- Opportunity 1...Response 1....

When you think about the never ending stream of wins and losses, one gets a better appreciation of the importance of HOW we play as opposed to the outcome, because losses are inevitable as they are plentiful in these existential Olympics.

We can "play our heart out" and still lose just as easily as we sometimes win accidentally.

We can go on losing streaks that seem unjust and which defy our every effort to turn the tide.

We can be tempted to "cheat" for the sake of a small taste of success.

We can say "to heck with winning", LOSE ourself in an addiction of some sort and forsake the game altogether!?

We are ALL going to "lose" many times and in many ways, sometimes devastatingly and sometimes not so.

But the "Master Referee" is not tallying up a Win/Loss column.

The "Hall of Fame" is home to those played with grace and style, courage and perseverance, strength and valor, humility and forgiveness; those who took a few on the chin, learned from their mistakes and played for the LOVE of the GAME.

I am largely grateful to Henry Steinhauer; who I would suggest may be found in the "Low-German Folksingers" section of "the Hall", for his wisdom and a hint perhaps of his boisterousness?

This particular lesson has helped me understand the years where I had begun losing my own love of life; that I lost due to alcoholism.

I had been "playing through an injury".

Have a good game today!

Love tImMy:/

Laugh as much as you breathe...

Love as long as you live ( onside)