Travel Tips - 25

Morning Friend,

Having just returned from a trip abroad which required a goodly amount of air travel, I am inclined to share some "travel tips" which come to mind as an "interesting", and for you perhaps, "educational" topic of discussion today?

*If you've seen my pictures from the trip then you will have already "heard", a HALF MILLION words about my Barbados Adventure...at "a thousand words a picture" ! ( I believe the only one with someone "frowning" in it is the one of me about to leave for the airport. It's not so much of a "frown" as it is a "sorrowful cringe" ? )

Nevertheless I DID pick up some excellent "tips" for making the FLYING part of the journey a little "smoother" than it might otherwise have to be.

If you are afflicted with some pathological FEAR OF FLYING itself then I'll say right off these are LOGISTICAL suggestions, not THERPEUTIC exercises. Although by sparing you some of the anxiety attendant with the "little things" your flight involves, your fearful mind might be freed up to focus more exclusively on the "flaming fireball of your imminent demise" ?

So in that heartfelt spirit of benevolence, I present a few "TIM-TIPS for TERRIFIC TRAVEL"....or "MORE HOT AIR" from Ab.

- A journey of any type, requires energy, and a clear mind. As excited and anxious as you might be the night before leaving, you MUST sleep beforehand. Whether it takes an extra shot of brandy, a "sleep-eze" or a 10 mile run to get you there, it's important to start FRESH. Don't leave "details" like cleaning out the fridge or finding a cat-sitter for the last moments when you should be resting. ( You just might come home to find your fridge, and your apartment...smelling like "dead animal" ).

- My problem has always been "last minute packing"....I don't travel ENOUGH that I can simply throw my WORLD into a suitcase and not wonder if I've forgotten SOME essential to my well being that can't be purchased anywhere else on the planet. LISTS RULE in this regard, not only for remembering your essentials, but EXCLUDING unnecessary things you might hastily throw in during the last minute's mayhem, like a quart of milk....or the cat?

* even MASTER LISTMAKERS like myself have found something or two amiss in the past; like bringing 6 pairs of socks to the Caribbean when ONE is too many! However, I managed to get it just about perfect this time, so to be SURE, I made a list of every item as I UNPACKED it so next time I'll simply have to "re-assemble". Obviously this list is "tropic-specific" and would be useless in packing for a "NORTHERN WILDERNESS FLY-IN"...other than perhaps a little "Muskie Snorkeling"?

- Now that your WORLD is encased in "Samsonite", CUSTOMIZE it! It will soon enter a world of like-sized, like-colored CLONES that will eventually and hopefully, come hurtling from a shoot of darkness ( where they'll have been man-handled like competitively tossed dwarves), onto the "CAROUSEL OF CONFUSION" ! YOUR bag might come out with a host of others IDENTICAL.... in model, scuff marks and even the brand of packing tape holding it together!....but the colorful ribbons strips of cloth, or knitted "fobs" tied to the handle that you cleverly "customized" YOUR bag with, will make snagging it and being on your way like an "apple pick".

- I'm sure I don't have to tell YOU my friend about language etiquette in airports and words that are unspoken in them today, except by the truly stupid and/or drunk. ( or someone named "Joe Bomb of 911 Terrorist Lane"?). One of these words with a less "sinister" connotation, but which is no less extinct in airlines' lexicon is "FREE" , which is why I recommend packing a lunch and some snacks for the flight. Even if you're not planning to be hungry or you're too nervous as rule to eat on board, bring something FAVORITE of yours that you can't resist, be it beef jerky, cashews, or haggis-on-a-bun? ( a tin of sardines, garlic tarts, or anchovy pizza might not be the best ideas for reasons obvious). The idea is to keep your strength up, as mentioned, without alienating several hundred people at once.

- Further to the above, and if I might broach this as delicately as I can....depending on your own particular "digestive proclivities", it's probably best not to have a large meal within a time frame wherein you would find yourself "IN NEED" of the ablutionary facilities whilst aboard today's modern aircraft. Now perhaps it's just "me", at nearly 6 and half feet of mostly arms and legs that finds those places ergonomically prohibitive, but I'm here to tell you I'd have to have a real NEED to be able to wedge myself down on that little perch that had heretofore been RAINED upon by myself and other men of disturbed and errant "aim". Only the most turbulent of bowels are best served in the oft-hectic confines of a plane's washroom. ( this "Urbanly Mythic", "Mile High Club" is surely membered by contortionist MIDGETS !)

- Depending on your level of gregariousness, your flight can be either a terrific social opportunity, an enochlophobic nightmare, or simply a chance for some introspective enjoyment. It never hurts to introduce yourself to the folks who'll be sitting next to you for the next several hours, if for no other reason than to be able to "personalize" your interactions, as in "....sure I can let you up AGAIN "Mary"...and you're right, you DO have an overactive bladder!".....or "Sorry about that "Fred", my wife hates me drooling in my sleep too!"....or "No Jack you're not crowding me, for a guy 350 you're remarkably svelte!" I am, a good deal like my Dad ( who never met a "stranger" in his whole life), and as such I enjoy flying and the opportunity to meet new people. Aside from the staid businessmen and other "frequent flyers", most people you meet are on a JOURNEY or a MISSION of sorts and none too shy about sharing some interesting and enlightening tales. I've met some people who were measurably nervous about flying and idly chatting with someone who's obviously relaxed about the whole thing was appreciated. ( If the "idle chatter" starts turning into a "life's story", you can ever so GRACIOUSLY say, "You know "Phyllis", I've got a book report due on this Stephen King novel and I've still got about ohhh....'bout 500 pages to read yet ".

Air travel, especially GOING there, is always a small "highlight" to my Vacation. Like the "drive to the Lake" in summer, it's those exciting moments when you're "off work".... "on your way"...."outta Dodge"....."Party Time"!

Hopefully I've been able to make some aspects of YOUR next flight as smooth as the highway out of town, which incidentally, if you're one of those who is fearful of flying, is FAR more hazardous than the airways.

Your chances of being in a plane crash are 1 in 500,000 ( you're more likely to be MURDERED)....and statistically, you could be in about FIVE plane crashes before you WOULDN'T survive.

With odds like that and flights as cheap as they are, and with the Good Lord's ENTIRE and exquisitely gorgeous WORLD to experience, TRAVEL is a magnificent way to enhance your soul, breach your horizons, magnify your senses, captivate your imagination, enrich your mind, and "fill out your dance card"...with LIFE!

And when all is said and done I pray you're lucky enough as I, to have MILKED every joyous moment I could out of my destination so that when it was time to go I was able to agree with Judy Garland and say....

"There's no place like home!" ( in the summertime anyway...)

love tImMy:/

Laugh as much as you breathe
and love as long as you live ( above steerage)