Always Christmas - #20

Morning Friend,

One of the most asked questions in the workplace today will be "How was your Christmas?"....the denouement if you will, of a fairly "hectic" month for many folks.

It's a natural and politely asked question, like "How was your vacation?" or "How did your surgery go?", not requiring any "in depth" or "blow by blow" description.

Other than really CLOSE friends, no one wants TOO much "information", especially about a surgical procedure or your "life changing" backpack excursion in the Himalayas?

A quick summary of food, family and perhaps a notable gift is all that's called for, because lets face it, the Party's over right?

Well, almost I suppose. There's still New Year's; the "opportunity" to mingle with a bunch of heavily drinking revelers - many of whom don't do so normally and are therefore quite "out of sorts", in a distressing and often obnoxious fashion.

Even in my drinking days, I was wise enough to stay clear of such over-hyped, over priced, over the top New Year's Eve GALAS, preferring instead more intimate gatherings in someone's home, surrounded by people I "knew".

At least I "knew" they could hold their liquor and weren't likely to be hitting on my date all night or planting kisses on every woman in sight at the stroke of midnight.

Such "amateur" drunks often end their nights with bloodied noses or worse, which is a good thing as it's probably nipped in the bud, any notions they might have had about "turning pro".

But because I tired of showing such tipsily wayward lotharios the error of their ways, AND because as a "professional" I had more intensely economical and controlled impairment in mind, the annual "Calendar Change - Let's Get Bent Fest" was always best spent with like-minded individuals.

But enough about the phenomenon of New Year's and its' attendant RESOLUTIONS. One can get drunk and make empty promises to themselves just as easily on July 31st as they can on the last day of December. ( and it doesn't cost $60 a couple !)

Today....when asked "How WAS my Christmas?" I intend to reply with a warm handshake or a hug and " I can't tell you because it's NOT OVER".

"Well...RIZDVOM KHRYSTOVYM! Merry Christmas Timmy!....I didn't know you were Ukrainian?", they may respond.

"No, despite my sinewy but rugged frame and chiseled Eastern-bloc features, I'm not Ukrainian, (Lithuanian/German ancestry actually), although if I was, it would have been nice to do all my Christmas shopping on Boxing Day and, I'd still have that feast of meatless dishes to look forward to next week?"

"Then what do you mean Christmas is not over?" they might ask hoping my response doesn't ebb into the dreaded realm of "too much information", such as a kaleidoscopically colorful post surgical infection or wonder if I've lost my mind and am still anxiously awaiting the "leaping lords, calling birds and milking maids" that the old "12 Day" song promises.

At this point I will shamelessly shill my blog, abstainersworld.blogspot.com in the hopes they might experience a similar catharsis that I did while writing recent installments regarding the SPIRIT of Christmas.

It's one thing to WRITE about love and sharing and peace and forgiveness and faith and good will, and quite another to PRACTICE them.

And it's one thing to display all these fine qualities in December, but what about the rest of the year?

Similarly, it's a fine idea to have RESOLUTIONS as the clock chimes on January 1st, but what happens when a life change becomes necessary in April or September?

I have learned a great deal about LIFE and CHOICES in the past few years.

Most importantly I've learned that God has given ME the power and the freedom to CHOOSE...the why-where-and WHEN, of my life's path.

The CALENDAR, like alcohol before it, will no longer be a determining factor in my behavior. ( except of course how much clothing to wear out of doors...and when to go work? )

I have decided to MAINTAIN the cherished Spirit of Christmas throughout the entire year and it's not nearly as DAUNTING a concept as you might think my friend. ( not NEARLY as difficult as say, losing weight or -sHudDeR- quitting smoking?)

- in January, the poor can still use a helping hand

- in February, a hug or warm handshake still "works"

- in March, a favor is always appreciated

- in April, Sunday Mass is as uplifting as any time

- in May, people like getting a gift for no reason at all

- in June, phone calls and mail maintain "togetherness"

- in July, self-evaluation and inventory are never out of season

- in August, volunteering is valuable and fulfilling

- in September, children's lives should be a DAILY delight

- in October, we all have a fence that needs "mending"

- in November, the World needs a strong reasoning voice

- in December, oh yeah...it's THAT time again!

My "drift" today is a sincere hope that when your tree comes down, you don't take down the facade of your Christmas Spirit with it....that the "party" might be over but the Lights in your heart remain burning bright....and that Christ's birth herald's YOUR call to share God's love in your life all year long.

Almost everyone has gotten some "bad Christmas gifts". ( can you say "chia-pet" ?)

But WHO, ever got a bad "gift" gift???

(Best of luck with your "resolutions"....my only suggestion on that front would be "one day at a time"....that way if you falter, you don't have to wait 11 months to try again.)

Da blagoslovit Vas Gospot!

love, tImMy:/

“Laugh as much as you breathe
and love as long as you live." ( dobre)

Anniversary Song ( Push PLAY!)

You Whut!? - "I'd Say I Do" ( sound on)

Summer '08, love tImMy :)

Written and recorded at the "Topp" of the Bella Vista

Production and additional instrumentation, courtesy of Darren Duke Studios and You Whut!?

Visuals inspired and transpired courtesy of Grace and Jerry Lawrence. A Windows Movie Maker production

Functionality -19

Morning Friend,

The Festive Season provides many challenges and opportunities for people of all stripes, but none more so than the "functioning" alcoholic.

If you're not familiar with the "functioning" adjective as it pertains to alcoholics, I'll enlighten you from my own experience and perspective if I may?

The clichéd image of an alcoholic; unwashed and curled up in an alley semi-consciously swigging "Bingo" out of a brown paper bag, is a convenient and invaluable scapegoat to the "functioning" drunk, who considers himself a "better man" than the wino.

While he still holds on tenuously to his job, his home, his relationships, his finances, his dignity, AND can manage to get a drunken glow on every day, he certainly has the right to consider himself "better" than "some drunk on Main Street" !?

I certainly did....and was wrong.

A man plunging towards the depths of ruin is NO BETTER than one already there, he's just "running a little late".

And "running late" was just one of the many "hallmarks" of my days of "functioning".

Forever late was I for EVERYTHING from work, dates, appointments and opportunities, to even ( shudder) CLOSING TIME at the bar!

Now "lateness" is not the exclusive property of alcoholics but it IS reflective of ones' "functioning" nature because the alternative is to NOT SHOW UP AT ALL, which is not only NOT conducive to maintaining any long term relationships or careers, but is often the "stepping off point" to "dysfunctional alcoholism" and its' inherent and inevitable peril.

If I had been more prudent in my "functionality" I would have made extra efforts to NOT be late, and therefore avoid the spotlight on such "warning signs", but the insidiousness and exponentially destructive nature of the disease is that you gradually LOSE CONTROL, starting with the simplest things like hearing your alarm go off, until you eventually have no reason to own one.

"Thankfully", I discovered and embraced Christmas as a GOLDEN JUSTIFICATION for being absent, late, disheveled, forgetful, shaky, or even drunk at any and all hours of the day or night.

- Having a "Christmas DRINK" is a quaint Yuletide tradition that afforded me the justification for what would otherwise have been a "Tuesday DRINK" or a "Wednesday WHAT-THE-HELL", which sound far too "alcoholic" as opposed to "festive"?

- A PARTY was always the perfect opportunity to "free pour" my way into raucous oblivion in the guise of being filled with "Christmas Spirit".

- Three or more days off work consecutively was perfectly good reason to get "bent" at any time of the year, but during the Yuletide it's called "Making Merry".

- You don't "stop by" peoples houses or have visitors at this time of year without there being a "shot" of something offered.

- The "stress" of shopping ALWAYS called for a few "pops" to steel the nerves before heading to the mall, a "nip" in a nearby bar for sustenance when you're halfway done, and of course the celebratory "6 pack" when you're home and wrapping.

- Those darn "statutory" holidays were BLACK HOLES in my well functioned routine, which always meant stocking up on plenty of "Christmas Booze" so there was absolutely no risk of an unforgivable lapse in "jolliness"!

- The hangovers precipitated by the imbibement of the ARRAY of Seasonal Specialties like rum, brandy and wine IN ADDITION to my usual mandated intake of beer, were exquisite and extraordinary in their magnitude.

These "challenges and opportunities" ROBBED me of many Christmas memories my friend because, I can't remember them.

From my early to mid 20's on( when I became "fully functional"), most of my Christmases are drunken blurs. I might just as well have been curled up with a brown paper bag.

Oh I'm sure I wasn't stumbling around incontinent and incoherently blitzed, but when you're coming off a drunk, take REQUIRED PAUSES for things like an 8 hour shift or family Christmas gift opening, and then get drinking again at the first opportunity, you're not exactly SOAKING UP life and all its' beauty and majesty to the fullest.

I was functioning. The Birth of Christ...the love and fellowship of my family....the "Magic" of the season, all took a back seat to maintaining my functional level of inebriation....no "better", than ANY man.

I might just as well have been semi-conscious in an alley, WITHOUT all the "challenges and opportunities".

Which is why this Christmas I'll look not under the TREE for the "gift" which already dwells in my heart and mind.

I give thanks for it EVERY morning.

It is a daily reprieve and a gift from God.

It is the greatest gift I ever have or will receive, and I pray that SOMEONE; a lost soul in the street, a young person with difficulties, a heavy drinker who is finding it increasingly difficult to "function", may discover as I have that life is simpler....and sweeter....when you are FREE !

Happy Birthday Jesus!

Love tImMy :/

“Laugh as much as you breathe
and love as long as you live." ( Festively)

Yuletide Memories -18

Morning Friend,

First and foremost today, I'd like to send out heartfelt condolences and a prayer of comfort if you are like many for whom the joy and pageantry of the Christmas Season is tempered by the illness or loss of a loved one.

There are many "Christmases Past" that were NOT festive and joyous occasions, and in many instances a December tragedy may long tarnish the "Merriness" of Christmas.

In my case, we lost "Grampa" who was as much a traditional fixture sitting stoically beside the tree on Christmas morning, as the Angel majestically atop it.

My Dad always looked rather "stoic" himself, if not still slightly "buzzed" from his and Grampa's nocturnal Holiday imbibement. The sugarplum fairies that had danced in MY head all night appeared to have been a line of Chorus Girls in theirs?

I can say that now, having done a few Christmas Eve "all-niters" myself, and taking the "edge" off with a beer before gift-opening, but at the time my innocent eyes saw with the pure empathy of a child that "Dad and Grampa had trouble sleeping with Santa on his way TOO!!!.....I guess they're having a beer to celebrate that HE CAME!?"

But time passes, the family grows, and the melancholy associated with his absence is replaced by his legacy amongst my beloved Christmas memories.

Funny how the mind works....I have VAGUE recollections of those first few years that he WASN'T there on Christmas morning, but can still see those twinkling slate eyes, smell his Old Spice ( tinged with whiskey and tobacco), hear his quiet laugh and feel his warm strong hugs in my earliest memories.

I realize this "selectiveness of memory" is more the province of children and that "letting go" is daunting, especially at this intensely emotional time of year, but I've discovered that if you look at the MEANING behind the chaotic retail frenzy and logistical maelstrom, you will find a comforting and redemptive word in Christmas....CHRIST.

That word stands for many things to many people and for some, nothing at all, but even the most die hard atheist would be hard pressed to deny that there IS something extraordinary and magical about this "season of Christ", about CHRISTmas.

There is an "aura"; of friendliness, excitement and wonder...of compassion, consideration and generosity...of introspection, forgiveness and LOVE, that is "amped up" as it is at no other time of the year.

It is a "sprit" that pervades unilaterally across ALL religious, political and moral factions.

It is a "spirit" that can EASE the pain of a December 25th that might, for whatever reason, not be a particularly "happy" time in one's life.

To those for whom this Season comes with sadness, I pray you the strength to embrace this "spirit" of SHARING... this joyous commemoration of Christ's BIRTH...this celebration of LIFE and LOVE.

Not by what you receive, but by what you give.

Perhaps not under the tree, but in your heart.

Several years ago my Folks agreed I could have a friend from work spend Christmas with us.

He was sort of a "down-but-not-outer" with no family and would otherwise have spent Christmas alone in his hotel room with some reefer and a bottle.

"Santa", ( Mom's "storehouse of everything known to Mankind, and some yet to be identified" ), even brought old "Bob" some presents....socks and stuff.

That Christmas morning, with gleeful children frolicking at his feet, in the tears running out his blue eyes and down his scruffy smiling face, I saw my Grampa again.

I couldn't even tell you what ELSE I "got" that year.

God Bless us, Everyone. ( and thank you again, Mom and Dad !)

MERRY CHRISTMAS FRIEND!

love tImMy :/

“Laugh as much as you breathe
and love as long as you live." ( Hallelujah!)

Powerful Music -17

Morning Friend,

If "classical" music has absolutely no interest or value to you, then my "Thought Train" will probably pass you by today.

However, if music GENERALLY has an influence in your life; whether as an exclamation point to your mood, as a background to relaxation or as a motivational tool, then by all means, CLIMB ABOARD!

If you're a musical "fanatic" like myself who has music "ON" all the time, ( either physically or "in my head") then you are already aboard and will likely be nodding agreeably as you read, or else nodding to the beat of something on YOUR Monday "playlist".

Since my Monday mornings have now become Creative Writing adventures, my playlist often includes music that has been SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN to stimulate LEFT BRAIN ACTIVITY.

Scientists have proven the stimulative merits of music not only for creative inspiration, but for enhanced learning capability ( a "study aid" if you will ), and for the treatment of cognitive impairment as well.

Several studies even identified certain TYPES of music for their "brain-friendliness", with "classical" - specifically "baroque"- as the genre of choice.

HOW music written in the 16th to 19th centuries by such wondrously gifted geniuses as Bach, Correlli, Vivaldi, Mozart, et al...can have such a profound effect on the 21st Century's Stainer, Lawrence, Dandy, etc. is a mystery???

But speaking for myself/we, as I can only do... it DOES work.

I can't say what it does for the QUALITY of the writing, but there has been a few "magical" occasions where a stanza or two of the "Four Seasons" has BULLDOZED a case of creative impediment or when a harpsichord sonata will trigger the filling of a dauntingly empty page by a previously empty head.

Like "magic" you say?

Well, as one who has witnessed music's "magical power", from the delighted dancing of children, to the energetic life-force of teens, to the backdrop of love and romance, to the connective link in the mentally challenged, to the kindling of joyous memories in the aged, and the comforting refrain to the dying, I have no difficulty in describing its' role in my own creative process as WONDEROUSLY MAGICAL !

Today my friend, I'd like to share a TRADE SECRET! - a particular favorite tune of mine which I have found unerringly efficient in kick-starting the old left brain and which has become MONDAY MUSING's unofficial SOUNDTRACK.

You won't hear this song; on someone's boom box at the beach, roaring out of a gang-banger's car stereo, or echoing loudly out a drunken house party at three in the morning, but if it's playing at my house....there's some "writing" afoot.

It is Ludwig von Beethoven's Piano Concerto #5 in E flat major. In October 2007, this concerto was voted listeners' favorite in the ABC Classic FM Classic 100 Concert Poll.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45rmSAMo_Ig&NR=1

Now I know I'm treading into the "grey area" of subjectivity here and this particular "tune" may simply "inspire" some people to go to sleep, ( at which it is also quite effective in doing).

You may already have a favorite song or genre of music which enervates your cerebral motor and if so, all the power to you.

Music with LYRICS is quite difficult to WRITE to, so I do recommend INSTRUMENTALS, or music in which you can't understand or comprehend the lyrics such as OPERA, or Bob Dylan?

I've certainly discovered that the old Train of Thought, indeed LIFE in general, rolls easier with a "musical" Conductor.

Love tImMy :/

“Laugh as much as you breathe

and love as long as you live." ( in harmony)

Gift Gathering 101 #16

Morning Friend,

If you happen to be one of "those", whose Yuletide gifts were bought and wrapped last summer, then this Monday's offering will be of no interest to you. ( You can go back to pre-planning your funeral, making lunches for the WEEK, brushing and flossing BEFORE breakfast, color coordinating your sock drawer, or whatever else engages your Psychotically Proactive mind?).

The rest of us ill-bred, unprepared, "unwashed minions" have to start strategizing, for December is upon us and the RUSH is officially....ON.

The "season of giving" wouldn't have to be such a "rush" if the "giving" didn't specifically involve so much "buying".

If the gift of YOURSELF could only be as cherished as a purchased and wrapped present then we'd all be done and cooled.

A shave, shower and a "Jimmy Stewart" haircut and I'd be good-to-go on Christmas morn'.

"Need help carrying in your presents Uncle Tim?", asks an expectant niece upon my glowing arrival on "the Morn".

"Nope. Not this year. I'm giving you all the gift of MYSELF! Who wants a hug?"

* insert stunned silence

** insert whispered "oh oh....he's drinking again!"

A fine theoretical notion indeed if one aspires to the "black sheep" rung of familial hierarchy. ( not to mention the certainty of inter-relational peril i.e. permanent bachelorhood)

I daresay that unless you are Lazarus back from the grave or can pull Bratz and Wii's and Chia-pets out of your hat ala Blackstone Jr., you're going to have to show up with something OTHER than your own smiling visage.

Handicrafts are a terrific alternative to BUYING, and make dandy, personalized gifts, but at this late stage in the game are not a viable option even for the craftiest of artisans - which I, am pitifully, not.

I am "craft challenged" or "handi-crapped" you might say? I DID take on a project one autumn, leaving me three month window in anticipation of snags along the way and it STILL sits, years later...unfinished and unappreciated....a Nativity Scene made from empty toothpaste tubes, bicycle spokes and Smarties. ( I realize they never end up looking EXACTLY like the picture in the magazine but mine looks more like an Armageddon Scene than a manger outside of Bethlehem? )

So with home-made gifts and hair-brained notions OUT, that means it's time to get IN, the stores. With Sunday shopping now, that means a full 24 days are left for the "rush"....PLENTY of time.

I won't get into a diatribe against giving money or gift certificates as the "easy way out", except to quote from my wise and all-knowing Mom who says, "...a gift, ANY gift...shows that you at least took the time, for whatever time it takes, and THOUGHT about that person...".

There are some logistical circumstances where actual PRESENTS are not an option, so a check or gift card is fine, but a GIFT, thoughtfully purchased (though haphazardly wrapped as in my case), is like a message of true consideration and love, that evokes sentiments of gratitude and wonder!......"Oh what a nice scarf, Thank You!" ( purple and green???....is he DRINKING again?)

So bear up my friend, make your list and set aside some "shopping time" in the next few weeks.

Yes the stores are a little more crowded and the lines can get long, but the stuffy air has a delightful undertone of evergreen and perfume testers.

Yes there's a certain headache inducing din of rolling carts, tantrumming children and calls for "price check on aisle 37", but the usually inane overhead Muzak is replaced by beloved and comforting strains of classic Carols.

Yes your feet will ache, a snack in the "Food-ateria" will sit like a brick in your stomach and the strategic placement of the washrooms will test your bladder's endurance mightily, but each stroke of a name off your list lifts you higher and higher off this earthly mall-strewn plain towards that place of honor, achievement and glory, (where only the truly disturbed have been since July) , where you will be DONE!

The "rush" will be over and you can perhaps have some time to ponder about the REAL reason for it all?

Speaking of which....if you have any empty toothpaste tubes that you haven't thrown out yet?.....

Love tImMy :/

“Laugh as much as you breathe
and love as long as you live." (in the Express lane)