TOO Happy - 29

Morning Friend,

I don't think I'll rile the Climatological Gods this morning and ramble on about the beauteous arrival of Spring. I made just such a mistake two weeks ago and we almost simultaneously received a healthy BLAST of Winter which has only recently ( yesterday) subsided!

Nature moves at her own pace, irrespective of the poetic whims and narrative wishes of mortal men.

But as slow and often petulant as Mother Nature can be, when that Divine Diva finally DOES change costumes, the SHOW can take on a whole new energy, especially if the old costume has been worn so long as to become a pain.

Such reminds me of the words of 17th century American poet Anne Bradstreet, who wrote,

"If we had no Winter, the Spring would not be so pleasant: If we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome."

These words I've posted on the door to my "office" at work, where you'll find several such INSPIRATIONAL nuggets.

( it's not an "office" really, but a storage closet for mops, pails and other tools of my presently "paying" engagement !)

In recent years I find myself being "accused" of being "extraordinarily, exceedingly, unnaturally, irrepressibly, and even NAUSEATINGLY...happy".

The truth of the matter is that I AM decidedly delighted.

The degree to which this is perceived is purely subjective, although I've never quite been clear on the concept of "TOO" and "HAPPY" in the same sentence?

The source of my perpetual happiness is paralleled in Anne Bradstreet's comparison of Winter and Spring to Adversity and Prosperity.

Having experienced and endured as bitter and "adversarial" a Winter as one could imagine, I now enjoy a life and lifestyle that is, ( and can be as long as I CHOOSE), perpetually Spring-like and pleasantly prosperous.

This is not uncommon amongst people who've "changed costumes" in life; who enjoy and appreciate the new one so much more because it fits better...it doesn't dig in or bind....it doesn't hurt like the old one.

(This might be one of the reasons CHER seems so exponentially enthusiastic during her performances?)

Which is why you'll often hear FORTUNATE ex-drinkers like myself describing themselves as "GRATEFUL" recovering alcoholics.

My "Winter" was particularly long and cold enough as to FILL me with gratitude at its' passing.

I respectfully quote a fine old gentleman I know, who's basked in a season of his own making for 50-plus years who soberly says, "I don't know if there's such a thing as a Heaven or not, but I know there's a Hell, because I lived in it here on earth..."

My many wounds have scarred over and they remain a vivid daily reminder of the icy Wintry lashes which created them.

I am carved like a stream bed emerging from a mountain of melting snow; the water sings as it rushes freely over me.

Today, it is Spring and I am ever so grateful to God and yes, pretty darned happy too!

Today I won't be TOO FULL as to forget how empty I was.

Today I won't be TOO STRONG as to forget how weak I was.

Today I won't be TOO generous, or kind, or wise, or thoughtful, or energetic, or magnanimous because Winter's bitter taste is still a fresh and fetid enough of a memory so I won't literally LEAP IN THE AIR AND SHOUT JOYFULLY TOO HIGH OR TOO LOUDLY!

Just enough to cause a little nausea perhaps?

Anyone for a chorus of "I Got You Babe"?

Love tImMy:/

Laugh as much as you breathe

Love as long as you live ( TOO something)

Skin Deep - 28

Morning Friend,

Imagine if you will, being a single, half decently looking and "fitter-than-average" young man of about 30.

It's Friday evening; that magical "hormone-iously" charged time on the cusp of another weekend of frantic fun and frolic.

The phone rings.

It turns out a "girlfriend of another girlfriend" told HER girffriend about your "charming manner" and "witty repartee".

You are "on the radar" as it were; a Wanted Poster on the post office wall of a young lady's heart.

You're invited to join some lovely gals at an all night "swimsuit optional" hot tub party.

It's a cold winter night and the party is across town but the hostess herself has offered to come and PICK YOU ( and whatever booze supply you'll need) UP!

You have long ago lost your "shyness" in the company of the fairer sex, and in fact THRIVE in such situations.

You come by your "charming manner" honestly because it is not an "act"....you ARE, as a result of a good education and a VERY good Christian upbringing; a decent, funny, intelligent, sensitive and in fact a SUPERBLY engaging young fellow! ( let's not forget the aforementioned "half decent" looks....you're NOT Brad Pitt...but you're a long way from Karl Malden! ).

Even in the most compromised of situations such as a noisy bar or a fleeting "elevator moment", you communicate well with the ladies.

The opportunity for a several languishing hours of pseudo-decadence in "mixed company" in the intimate confines of a hot tub now presents itself to you like a paving stone waiting to be snatched from the hand of a sleeping Kung Fu Master.

Being the hopeless romantic that you are, you have visions beyond some "carnal adventure" and muse wistfully about 20 years from now, telling the story about "how I met THE ONE, at of all places...in a darn hot tub!".

Being the "patient gentleman" that you are, you're not even thinking specifically in terms of "getting lucky" this VERY evening but rather sowing the seeds of friendship which in your experience are far more valuable than a "one night stand" and its' inherent ramifications.

Being the chronically gregarious man that you are, ( you'd die of LONELINESS, L O N G before starvation on a deserted island! ) the word PARTY itself fills your ears like a school bell ringing at the end of the last class of the year....like the Governor's voice on the phone granting a pardon to a condemned man......like a whirring can opener to a hungry cat....like the offer of the job of Brewery Beer Taster to an alcoholic....like your Doctor's voice telling you "you're cured, in fact I think you're going to live FOREVER!!!".

Now my friend ( of vivid imagination that you are), imagine you are the same "VIBRANT young man", but about three quarters of your skin surface is covered with bleeding, scaly-red and silvery blotches of what is known as "the heartbreak", of psoriasis.

You are in pain almost all of the time because every single movement, including breathing and restless sleeping, opens up a just-healed lesion.

The only people who've seen you naked in the last ten years are your dermatologist, and YOU, when you're in the mood for some "horror".

You wear long sleeves on scorching hot summer days... AT THE BEACH!

You are, by the very basic of societal definitions, and most certainly in your mind's eye...a hideous freak.

You are in need of good lie now because anyone with even the remotest social inclinations wouldn't turn down a chauffeured naked hot tub party unless they were too shy, too gay, too deformed, or "too busy on the threshold of discovering a cure for cancer'.

You are certainly not shy and you're not "gay" in ANY sense of the word but your deformity, while not contagious, would be about as welcome in a hot tub as a floating Oh Henry bar, so you go with being "waist-deep in research" and politely bow out of the event.

Then, you get good and drunk because it dulls the pain... the "physical" part anyway.

You have undergone every "treatment" known to modern science and are told there is no "cure".

You have a few brief but GLORIOUS relapses, especially in summer months when it goes away completely for a few weeks but for the most part of your 20's and 30's you live "in a lonely (s)hell".

Then in the summer of 2005, as your "pigmentation" has taken a back seat to a whole HOST of personal and even life-threatening alcohol-related problems, you decide to "turn your will and your life over to the care of God..." and you quit drinking for good.

In time, everything in your life starts sorting itself out, but what happens IMMEDIATELY is something about as remarkably close to a real live MIRACLE that you ever dared pray for.....

...your psoriasis, takes a hike....."ciao"....."seeya"...."wouldn't wanna beeya"....done....gone.

And as your skin is DRENCHED in the clear light of day you find your outstretched arms aren't long enough nor strong enough to fully give the Good Lord's world a big enough hug!

And the "half-decently-looking" face in the mirror every morning has a sunny smile that says, "Thank You!"

People ask you, "How do you manage to stay sober?"

You smile and say, "Hot tubs...and a little imagination".

love tImMy:/

Laugh as much as you breathe

Love as long as you live ( half-naked)

'Tis Spring - 27

Morning Friend,

Please note and relish, these exquisitely simple, and simply beautiful words which preface this morning's MUSINGS....

"Tis Spring....when a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of romance."

Loosely paraphrased, these words of the immortal Victorian age poet Lord Alfred Tennyson have always been my "mantra" when the annual "restlessness", "amorousness", "excitability", "frenetecism", and other symptoms associated with Spring Fever inevitably overtake me.

Not that romance is "out of season" at any other time of year, but when Spring finally arrives, especially after a particularly long and brutal Winter, there's just something extraordinarily sensual, transformational and inspirational in the very atmosphere itself...

...the soft fragrant earth emerging coyly like a sleepy siren from beneath her tattered quilt of snow...

...the sun's burgeoning light bears life-giving warmth and soul-stirring length to the days ever exploding into color...

...sinuses long congestedly compromised cast headlong into a tangy exotic breeze of savory scents long remembered...

...heavy blood thickened by the snails pace of a winter heartbeat swiftly melts into torrents of a pheromone-frothed broth...

...the landscape basks in flesh and feminine form emerging from the timeless dance of a thousand knitted veils ( and toques)...

...the shimmering sun smites into smithereens the long shadow of winter's night...

...perennial plans, dormant dreams and slumbering ambition awaken irritably like dusty, hungry bears...

...a bloom-covered hillside stretches skyward like a playground slide upon which children and angels frolic alike...

...into the bare chambers of the silent house that is my heart comes a symphony, into the deadened lobes of the empty house that is my mind comes truth, into the lonely realms of the condemned house that is my spirit comes God, and with them is the giddying sweetness and light of Love in Springtime...

What I lack in Lord Byron's simplistic style, ( besides his inimitable TALENT?), I DO tend to over-compensate with a certain adjectival abundance bordering perhaps on loquacious aplomb ?

I might have done well with....

"Tis Spring, and I am FREE ! ( again). "

love tImMy :/ (1365)

Laugh as much as you breathe

Love as long as you live ( fancifully)

"Seasons" for Ginette - 26

Morning Friend,

A dear friend of mine went to Heaven last week.

To her I happily and respectfully wish "bon voyage et merci mon ami"! ( She was "one of THOSE" people who, despite the enormity of their OWN difficulties, still made praying for OTHERS, myself included, a priority.)

To Ginette's friends and family, I offer this humble poem in honor of the tremendous courage she displayed, and inspired in others, throughout the "Autumn" of her life.

And in answer to the question posed many times by those who witness the "suffering" of loved ones in their last days; "Why do bad things happen to good people?"....I say I am not a Priest, a philosopher or a religious scholar, but I am "Schooled in Miracles" ( since every day of my "new" life IS one), so I can tell you that IT IS NOT OUR PLACE TO DEFINE "SUFFERING" AS EXPERIENCED BY SOMEONE OF FAITH AS PROFOUND AS GINETTE'S.

When someone's whole life is so intrinsically bound to the love and service of God, and their FAITH so deeply rooted in the power of the Holy Spirit and the promise of eternal life with Jesus Christ, then the "CHALLENGE" afforded by several months or even years of physical pain and "suffering" is exactly that....a "challenge", a "task", a "pitfall", a "setback", a "delay", a "transitional period between earth and HEAVEN"!

In my past work with the terminally ill, I have seen how a Shield of Spirituality is the most powerful analgesic known to man.

The pain of disease is no match for the Valor of the Faithful, and the darkness of despair has no place near the glorious Light of the Hopeful.

Fear, is not an option for the Fearless.

Today my friend I pray for all of us; to dedicate the Good Lord's wisdom and strength in us to the comfort of OTHERS in our need, and to face ANY "challenge" which comes our way as courageously as Ginette faced her last.

( "Save a spot for me at the Juice Bar 'ma soeur'....I'll still have your 'Jesus' around my neck!")

love tImMy:/

Seasons by Tim Lawrence

Were I able to halt the passing of a dear life
I would surely, swiftly intervene
Yet I am helpless and frail
a feeble bystander
Respectfully sad and serene

Could I but turn back life’s tenacious clock
I would make it my devoted role
But I am mute and weak
a grieving furious witness
to the passing of a soul

If I could wish…it would be for eternal Summer
I’d cherish the warmth so pleasing
Fond memories most treasured
Glowing nostalgia reminds
of that most perfect season

This is the season of love and growth
Fences strong ‘neath the long summer sun
Children at play
Laughter rings strong
The essence of life in everyone

Might I be brave, might I be forgiving
and forgiven when Autumn comes my way
Preparing for God’s feast
midst loved ones and family
Night surrenders to an endless joyful day

This is the season of our frailty
When flesh and spirit deem to part
Burdens uplifting
Rewards unfolding
Not an end but a glorious start

Had I the means to melt away the Winter
 It would truly not be done for myself
grief must be sustained
till endured and conquered
Then put away upon memory’s shelf

This is the season of shared restful hope
To be consoled and to provide consolation
Carrying the torch
fulfilling dreams
Binding the ties of each generation

If I could describe the rapture of Spring
Like melting snow are pain and strife
I am reborn
The undying spirit of love
Provides a new and perfect life

This is the season of resurrection and glory
Spring rains upon seeds newly planted
Mystery’s revealed
Fears reconciled
God’s promise of ecstasy granted

If I were to bestow a single message from my heart
to the grieving or those soon to grieve
Notice the Seasons
Their meaning
Is a beautiful reason to believe

These are the seasons of God’s blessed plan
and from them we find a pathway
Winter passes
Spring will emerge
As surely as night beckons day

Laugh as much as you breathe

and love as long as you live ( avec Dieu)

Travel Tips - 25

Morning Friend,

Having just returned from a trip abroad which required a goodly amount of air travel, I am inclined to share some "travel tips" which come to mind as an "interesting", and for you perhaps, "educational" topic of discussion today?

*If you've seen my pictures from the trip then you will have already "heard", a HALF MILLION words about my Barbados Adventure...at "a thousand words a picture" ! ( I believe the only one with someone "frowning" in it is the one of me about to leave for the airport. It's not so much of a "frown" as it is a "sorrowful cringe" ? )

Nevertheless I DID pick up some excellent "tips" for making the FLYING part of the journey a little "smoother" than it might otherwise have to be.

If you are afflicted with some pathological FEAR OF FLYING itself then I'll say right off these are LOGISTICAL suggestions, not THERPEUTIC exercises. Although by sparing you some of the anxiety attendant with the "little things" your flight involves, your fearful mind might be freed up to focus more exclusively on the "flaming fireball of your imminent demise" ?

So in that heartfelt spirit of benevolence, I present a few "TIM-TIPS for TERRIFIC TRAVEL"....or "MORE HOT AIR" from Ab.

- A journey of any type, requires energy, and a clear mind. As excited and anxious as you might be the night before leaving, you MUST sleep beforehand. Whether it takes an extra shot of brandy, a "sleep-eze" or a 10 mile run to get you there, it's important to start FRESH. Don't leave "details" like cleaning out the fridge or finding a cat-sitter for the last moments when you should be resting. ( You just might come home to find your fridge, and your apartment...smelling like "dead animal" ).

- My problem has always been "last minute packing"....I don't travel ENOUGH that I can simply throw my WORLD into a suitcase and not wonder if I've forgotten SOME essential to my well being that can't be purchased anywhere else on the planet. LISTS RULE in this regard, not only for remembering your essentials, but EXCLUDING unnecessary things you might hastily throw in during the last minute's mayhem, like a quart of milk....or the cat?

* even MASTER LISTMAKERS like myself have found something or two amiss in the past; like bringing 6 pairs of socks to the Caribbean when ONE is too many! However, I managed to get it just about perfect this time, so to be SURE, I made a list of every item as I UNPACKED it so next time I'll simply have to "re-assemble". Obviously this list is "tropic-specific" and would be useless in packing for a "NORTHERN WILDERNESS FLY-IN"...other than perhaps a little "Muskie Snorkeling"?

- Now that your WORLD is encased in "Samsonite", CUSTOMIZE it! It will soon enter a world of like-sized, like-colored CLONES that will eventually and hopefully, come hurtling from a shoot of darkness ( where they'll have been man-handled like competitively tossed dwarves), onto the "CAROUSEL OF CONFUSION" ! YOUR bag might come out with a host of others IDENTICAL.... in model, scuff marks and even the brand of packing tape holding it together!....but the colorful ribbons strips of cloth, or knitted "fobs" tied to the handle that you cleverly "customized" YOUR bag with, will make snagging it and being on your way like an "apple pick".

- I'm sure I don't have to tell YOU my friend about language etiquette in airports and words that are unspoken in them today, except by the truly stupid and/or drunk. ( or someone named "Joe Bomb of 911 Terrorist Lane"?). One of these words with a less "sinister" connotation, but which is no less extinct in airlines' lexicon is "FREE" , which is why I recommend packing a lunch and some snacks for the flight. Even if you're not planning to be hungry or you're too nervous as rule to eat on board, bring something FAVORITE of yours that you can't resist, be it beef jerky, cashews, or haggis-on-a-bun? ( a tin of sardines, garlic tarts, or anchovy pizza might not be the best ideas for reasons obvious). The idea is to keep your strength up, as mentioned, without alienating several hundred people at once.

- Further to the above, and if I might broach this as delicately as I can....depending on your own particular "digestive proclivities", it's probably best not to have a large meal within a time frame wherein you would find yourself "IN NEED" of the ablutionary facilities whilst aboard today's modern aircraft. Now perhaps it's just "me", at nearly 6 and half feet of mostly arms and legs that finds those places ergonomically prohibitive, but I'm here to tell you I'd have to have a real NEED to be able to wedge myself down on that little perch that had heretofore been RAINED upon by myself and other men of disturbed and errant "aim". Only the most turbulent of bowels are best served in the oft-hectic confines of a plane's washroom. ( this "Urbanly Mythic", "Mile High Club" is surely membered by contortionist MIDGETS !)

- Depending on your level of gregariousness, your flight can be either a terrific social opportunity, an enochlophobic nightmare, or simply a chance for some introspective enjoyment. It never hurts to introduce yourself to the folks who'll be sitting next to you for the next several hours, if for no other reason than to be able to "personalize" your interactions, as in "....sure I can let you up AGAIN "Mary"...and you're right, you DO have an overactive bladder!".....or "Sorry about that "Fred", my wife hates me drooling in my sleep too!"....or "No Jack you're not crowding me, for a guy 350 you're remarkably svelte!" I am, a good deal like my Dad ( who never met a "stranger" in his whole life), and as such I enjoy flying and the opportunity to meet new people. Aside from the staid businessmen and other "frequent flyers", most people you meet are on a JOURNEY or a MISSION of sorts and none too shy about sharing some interesting and enlightening tales. I've met some people who were measurably nervous about flying and idly chatting with someone who's obviously relaxed about the whole thing was appreciated. ( If the "idle chatter" starts turning into a "life's story", you can ever so GRACIOUSLY say, "You know "Phyllis", I've got a book report due on this Stephen King novel and I've still got about ohhh....'bout 500 pages to read yet ".

Air travel, especially GOING there, is always a small "highlight" to my Vacation. Like the "drive to the Lake" in summer, it's those exciting moments when you're "off work".... "on your way"...."outta Dodge"....."Party Time"!

Hopefully I've been able to make some aspects of YOUR next flight as smooth as the highway out of town, which incidentally, if you're one of those who is fearful of flying, is FAR more hazardous than the airways.

Your chances of being in a plane crash are 1 in 500,000 ( you're more likely to be MURDERED)....and statistically, you could be in about FIVE plane crashes before you WOULDN'T survive.

With odds like that and flights as cheap as they are, and with the Good Lord's ENTIRE and exquisitely gorgeous WORLD to experience, TRAVEL is a magnificent way to enhance your soul, breach your horizons, magnify your senses, captivate your imagination, enrich your mind, and "fill out your dance card"...with LIFE!

And when all is said and done I pray you're lucky enough as I, to have MILKED every joyous moment I could out of my destination so that when it was time to go I was able to agree with Judy Garland and say....

"There's no place like home!" ( in the summertime anyway...)

love tImMy:/

Laugh as much as you breathe
and love as long as you live ( above steerage)