My Love For You by Timothy Gerald Franklin Lawrence

My love for You
is bigger
than a shoe
 The End

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


Look after yourself...without health
you are of no use to anyone.

If I owned this company,
would I hire someone like me?


THREE Angels!

THREE Angels!
Angela, Ash & Janelle

Ab's ( REALLY GOOD) Joke of the WEEK!

A great example of Flawless Male logic —
This is a conversation between a husband and his wife. Please note that she asks five or six questions which he answered quite simply; but, then she is speechless after answering only one question.

Woman: Do you drink beer?
Man: Yes.

Woman: How many beers a day?
Man: Usually about three.

Woman: How much do you pay per beer?
Man: $5.00 which includes a tip (this is where it gets scary!).

Woman: And how long have you been drinking?
Man: About 20 years, I suppose.

Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have three beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, that would be approximately $5400, correct?
Man: Sounds Correct.

Woman: If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, over the past 20 years puts your spending at about $108,000, correct?
Man: Again, sounds about right.

Woman: Do you know that if you didn’t drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought an airplane?
Man: Could be true. Do you drink beer?

Woman: No.
Man: Where is your airplane?

for Kenneth Mayo

Hope AND SWIM !

When I fall into an ocean, I know with certainty


That I am wet and startled will at once be plain to me


But will I sink or will I swim...to the depths or to the shore?


Perhaps a log will come drifting by, or a boat out on a tour?


I could hope as I was sinking, but I’d still drop to the floor


And hoping would I be, for logs and tour boats evermore


So I think I’ll set my sights on land and give my legs a kick


And stroke though I am weary, my decision will I stick


While Hope sustains the helpless whose outlook is often dim


Hope also fuels the Faithful, giving Strength to those who swim


So even if I falter against this fearsome tide of health


The shores of my fulfillment rise beneath me in my stealth


I’m hopeful for the strength and the courage not to give in


I thank the Lord for Faith and my resolve to hope AND swim!


My prayers and God’s Blessings be with you my friend!

Timothy Lawrence

Abraham Stainer Esq.

Abraham Stainer Esq.
a.k.a. "Ab"

Tinker-Timmy & Friends

Tinker-Timmy & Friends
Jan'l. Angeela, Ash and Ab

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Something's Funny -12


03/11/08

Morning Friend,
No one enjoys a good joke as much as I do.
I've heard and told thousands in my life and with the aid of some surreptitious crib notes, I could probably fill a "set" at a comedy club if I was of a mind.
I have a serious performance flaw however that stands in the way of a such a career change at the present time - I laugh at my own jokes...often as "heartily", and sometimes MORE so than my audience?
I've seen some professionals get away with a snicker or two in the midst of a particularly hilarious delivery, but as for myself, if the joke is REALLY funny, I sometimes barely choke the punchline out before I'm howling and the tears are rolling down my face. ( and this could be the 99th time I've told the joke ! )
I can "deadpan" with the best of them and roll through the STORY like a silver-tongued thespian - painting dramatic and kaleidoscopic word pictures that make the listener feel like they're actually RIGHT THERE -"...in the smoky bar...beside the nun and the talking monkey...while two Irishmen and a prostitute ask the one-armed piano player to let the gay Cowboy and his singing rooster play a number...." - but once I approach the coup de gras I start to lose it....a smile appears at the corner of my mouth, my cadence starts to sputter, the eyes twinkle, and it's all over....I've slayed MYSELF again!
This is all fine and well if the joke IS as good as I seem to think it is, and it usually is. Although there HAS been the "odd" awkward moment when I'm the ONLY one laughing, which I suppose would stand me in good stead were I ever to find myself stranded on a desert isle or locked away in a mental institution?
Were it to be the NORM however, I don't think people would be quite as persistent as they presently are with, "Have you heard any good ones lately Tim?"
Those that do KNOW me though, know that the harder the time I have getting THROUGH a joke, the FUNNIER it is likelier to be. ( there!...now I've given away one of my "secrets"? HA! )
Nevertheless, Lord knows there's precious enough humor in the world today and always room for another "amateur" comedian.
But ALL Merchants of Mirth, be they Pros, or moderately infamous "joke-of-the-day" stiffs like myself, adhere to CARDINAL RULE OF COMEDY.....that being, "Know Thy Audience"!
Unless you're Don Rickles, whose "shtick" was offending people, it's always a good idea to scan the demographics of those within earshot before LAUNCHING into the limelight. ( The "boys in the plant" don't want to hear "...why was 6 afraid of 7...", and the "secretarial pool" won't be thrilled by "...the three breasted eye doctor who..."). *I think you get my point?
Like it or not, this is the age where even "political correctness" has to be "politically correct", and an egregious lapse in sensitivity can turn a "jocular jokester" into a "pulverized pariah" as quick as a groan after a bad pun.
The "twisted fate" of your story's tragic hero might be enviable in comparison to the outraged punch in the nose you receive for your performance?
It has been said, and I would agree that there is an "art" to joke telling...a "gift", if you will. If that's the case then it's just ANOTHER of MANY I have the Good Lord to be thankful for, and one I don't mind sharing in the least.
I used to laugh in THE FACE of adversity. Nowadays I prefer to laugh IN LIEU of it.
It's good to be happy again.
It's good to hear those words, "Have you heard any good ones lately?"
And it's GOOD to be laughing and to HEAR laughter.
Even IF, sometimes it's just me. :)
Love tImMy :/

“Laugh as much as you breathe
and love as long as you live." (with fresh material)
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Life Stories

Life Stories by Tim Lawrence

The end of life…is not!

It is the end of a Chapter in a Grand, Spiritual, Novel !

These chapters called “life”, are enriching, engrossing
narratives of one’s earthly adventures.

In them, are an abundance of supporting characters and
supplementary plot elements, often curiously overlapping
and mysteriously intertwining.

Their length and depth varies from person to person;
from protagonist to protagonist.

Some people who have “died” in chapters ended many years
ago, are still quite “alive” today!

Their SPIRIT; their influence, their charisma, their wisdom,
their character, their enthusiasm, their joy, their ESSENCE....
continues to fill the “life pages” of all they’ve touched.

Their frail and finite physical chapter is ended, but the richness
of their story flourishes, and enhances God’s Novel!

Like timeless passages, indelibly marked in our hearts and
memories, to be re-read and forever treasured….
their lives never truly “end”!

When through God’s Mercy, the earthly narrative of someone
we love, ends….their life does not!

And for that, we are truly blessed!

* Dedicated with gratitude and love to the enduring Spirit of all who transcend fear and inspire faith by truly living God’s gift of life to the fullest!! T.L.